What are you going to do?

So, I cried.... but I did the thing. 

I had played the conversation over and over in my head.  I knew exactly what I was going to say and how I was going to say it. 

Then.  Then damn it, the tears. 

Do I wish I hadn't gotten emotional?  Yes. 
Yes, because once the waterworks began I lost my train of thought. And probably a little respect. 

Mostly no though.  I am not ashamed that I felt something and that I was overwhelmed by it.  It means I'm not hard.  I'm not jaded.  It's truthful to who I am.  And I think I might have been losing a little of that part of myself trying to work in the box of a 50+ an hour work week. 

I feel horrible for not making it work.... professionally. 
Personally, a tremendous weight has been lifted.  At the end of the day my life and choices are mine and I have to feel confident that I did what was necessary to be happy.
The time at the job, though I loved what I was doing... it wrecked me.I was tired ALL the time.  I was feeling so much guilt for not being present as a mother, wife and friend.
And then I was reminded that not all things we love to do have to drain us while we give.  The things that light our soul on fire and energize us as we pour our energy into them... those are the things that we should do.

When going through the process of making the decision  a friend pointed out that I wasn't happy anymore.  No matter what I had been doing before... I had been happy. 

I was losing my light.

I was asked (as I sniffled through the conversation), "What are you going to do?" This bothered me SO much.  But,  it also solidified my decision to leave.
Because 'what I do' for money does not define me.
Will I have to get creative so I can still contribute financially?  Definitely.  Will it be challenging?  Is there sacrifice?  Of course, yes.

I would rather define myself by living (and working) in a way that is open to possibility.  

I have been trying to teach this philosophy to my daughter since day 1.  I just forgot for a little while. 

The view from here, from this place of possibility is looking bright.  And my heart is a whole lot lighter.

The very best part is the time I am getting with my people, my tribe and my kid.  For me, nothing else matters as much.  Nor does anything compare.