No...

There really are not enough hours in a day... At least for me. And ALL of the things I want to do. I want to fill my time with beauty and joy and love. 

Still loving the new job. But it takes up most of the hours. 

Teaching. So much joy! I'm not ready to give up my yoga classes. I think I might be getting close.... I've whittled it down to two. And every week I think I'm finished, I'm ready to walk away. Then I go to the studio. I connect with my students. I connect with the practice. 

The magazine.  I adore being a part of the conversation The Perpetual You has started. I have evolved as a contributing writer... I hope. 

Time has been slipping away from lately because I'm doing too much. If I was single and childless I wouldn't feel the pinch. But that's not my life, and I don't want it to be. Because Hubs and Coco, they are the reason, the motivation and my everything. Unfortunately, they have been the ones getting the short end of my days. 

My absence has effected all of us.  It was time to say 'no' to something. Family time needed to replace 'work'. 

I wrote the above a few months ago... And now, I'm still in the same place. Except now, I've given up my classes, and writing and Hubs is tending bar at night. Because I dug in my heels. Because I loved my job. 

Life lesson. Priorities should be assessed... Especially when you think you have it figured out. 

Now.  Now I'm feeling trapped. I'm feeling lost. 

And I'm drowning in wine and lack of sleep starving for my love. 

So now? 

Now... I'm through playing the 9-5 (ahem, 8-6).  I would rather live bohemian and still have time....

There really is no reason to vacillate. I will always choose love. 

Becoming Present

A few years ago I gave myself a gratitude challenge. Every day for the entire year I posted a picture on Instagram that expressed that day's moment of gratitude, and it had to be a new and fresh idea or connection. That was the intention I set when I began the project.

 

At first the gratefulness flowed. I was (and still am) so #thankful for my family, my husband, my child. 

Some days, it was much more difficult. Not because I wasn't aware that my life was beautiful and blessed, but sometimes life isn't always kind. There were days when a cup of coffee was all I could appreciate.  

There were other days when I thought I might actually explode because I felt to grateful. 

 

What I learned was that no matter what~ if you examine your life and your days,  invariably there is the existence of light and it will shine through.  I learned that we can rely on it.  We can depend on it to be there.  Hope, love, joy.  Whatever you choose to call it.  It will present itself.   But, you have to be open to it.  

I moved through the year and plugged away at my project. We, my family and I, moved.  We began traveling (on an extended journey) after working so hard to do so.  

At the end of the year I had changed. I had become more aware and thoughtful to life's daily miracles. 

 

It finally resonated with me, the concept of being present.  It made sense. I felt it.    And it changed my life.  

I look back on that year as rich and full.  And I know it was because I lived it with an open heart and wide eyes.   

I still try to stop and appreciate the daily moments of hope and joy that make up my days.  I might even pick up the project again.  But, I will always look for the goodness and light, especially in the dark. 

 

Time Management

Today was full. It was busy. 

It didn't feel all the way complete to me. Because I'm not there yet. In this new place that I'm in. 

I really love my new job. I am so happy to~

1) PROVIDE... For my family.. In an honest, thoughtful way. 

2) THINK... Not just do. 

3) LEARN... This new work environment is so different from anything I've done before. 

4) CREATE... My future in a different way. 

But, I'm not all the way in a groove yet.  I understand what is expected of my day.  I enjoy what the day brings.  I'm just not out of my self-conscious, unsure what happens next, how to prioritize my time sort of phase. 

It's going to happen. I know this. 

I am grateful that today is my Friday. It was an exceptionally long week. 

I missed my practice. Because it is cold and I lack any motivation in the winter. 

Even so, I was able to do the other things that feed my soul. 

Tonight  I embibed in the life that exists when we let it. 

I always live more creatively in that space.  I can, will, do and am productive in the reality of a work week. But, I flourish in the unpredictable, undefined places where passion and drive meet life.  

I really adore my new vocation. It inspires and challenges me.  I see an alternate direction. This new possibility is satisfying and reassuring. 

There is the part if me that longs for the  TIME to be more than what happens in the work week though.  I had become very comfortable living in a bohemian sort of way. 

I will come back to that. It's just not right for right now.  Instead I will be grateful for regular bedtimes and predictable schedules. The beauty in simplicity IS really something to savor. 

Another Adventure

I started this calander year with yoga on the mind.  With yoga as the path. With yoga as everything.
But life throws things at you and you have a choice.... go back to what worked before, what was comfortable.  Or, try something new.
I opted for the latter.
A job opportunity presented itself.  One that I might not have pursued if plans had stayed on track.  But... they didn't.

So much can change in 2 weeks time.  I've learned over the years to go with it.  The universe works in ways that I can not comprehend.  Letting go of what I had expected allowed me to be open to potential.

And it's life. 
It can be confusing and dissappointing and overwhelming.
(Coming out of the overwhelming stage right now with a week at the new job under my belt.)

It can also be surprising and inspiring and amazing.

While my Hubs is working on his new big thing (which I am super excited about), I am working.
And I am so very grateful to be able to do that.  That we can switch roles with ease.  That we can move forward together and still dream big, while living completely.

So the new gig~ Marketing and Education Coordinator at an Aquarium.
It's so funny how life works sometimes.  Loving the adventure. 

I See the Light

One of my most favorite things about teaching yoga, or anything for that matter, is when I see the light go off.  When the switch has been flipped and they really get it, or reach it (perhaps a toe, or the fingers in a bind).

In yesterday's hot vinyasa I had a student (only in town for the week) try for the first time astavakrasana, eight-angle pose.  She thought that it was absolutely NOT something she could do.  But I saw her practice through the hour.  I knew she could.  She just didn't understand the mechanics of executing it.  So, I guided her through it.  Step by step.  Breath by breath.  And she NAILED it.
Everyone clapped when she came out.  She was so impressed with herself.  And for that few minutes of total concentration and determination her mind was completely clear.  It was her sole focus.
And I took that feeling of exhilaration with me for the rest of the day.

That is the yoga I live.  That is the yoga I share.

Life is messy.  And it's hard.  But sometimes, we get an unexpected moment when someone else says, "You absolutely can do this.  You just have to try.  Let  me help.  Let me show you." 
But we have to be open to receiving.  

Setting an Intention

The words get lost sometimes. I create an entire adventure and when it's time to bring that story to life on paper it disappears. 

It's smoke. I can feel it. Taste it. It permeates the room and my soul... but.. it's gone from me. Touching it. Weaving it into something tangible is like trying to hold onto the smoke that swirls around the room.

And then I'm left~ alone. Just me and the idea of an idea that I had dancing in my head. And possibility that isn't anymore. 

 So, I stopped trying. I stopped writing. I stopped looking for my way with my words and I started using yoga as a canvas for my art. The postures my expression for the buzzing in my head. I found a quiet space and the words left me.

I am setting the intention now. The intention of words. Words and posture need not live exclusively in my life. I can have and create both. They are both a part of my whole self. I just need to make the space to produce and work with the words as well as the art that is my personal yoga. This is how I take the lessons learned off the mat into my daily life. 

Shine Bright

The pictures and moments we exhibit to the world are polished and pretty.  We don't always (if ever) reveal the rawness and grit.  Does that mean that the ideal of life we put on display isn't genuine?

No. No. And no.  Absolutely not!
But, why can't we be okay with that, with not giving away the private defeats, simplicity or messy hair.  Why does it have to be anything more than the image?
We tell ourselves, when we fall down, to get up.  To shake it off.  And then~ when we do, when we share the triumphs and the awesome, we are somehow dishonest with the world about our daily life.
It seems a little harsh to condemn the image (the way we want to be and be seen) as unreal.  It's as real as we want it to be.  And if it makes the day a little easier to bare, then why not?
Showing the world our smiles and laughter is beautiful.  Shine bright.    Be part of the light in a world that can be dark.
Protecting that light is so very necessary.
Because there is darkness in all of us.  There is sadness.  Even for people who are completely in love with life. There are days that we don't want to share and commemorate.

So,  be inspired by images of hope and liveliness, instead of becoming defeated and disappointed.

Add some luster and gloss to what is yours.  Admire the joy and happiness where and when you can find it.  Be proud.  Share it with the universe.